Guys, Girls, and Dating

When you look at dating & relationships from a long distance, it’s funny that the so-called complexities are actually just frivolous things that one could easily pass-up.

So it goes like this…

Two people meet; they have a thing for each other, and kick it off, knowing when the time is right. Just like the movies. But what happens when this isn’t the case?

Sometimes, one person isn’t interested and tries to back-away, but there could be a problem with this. How to communicate this to the ‘dreamer’.

As a matter of fact, communication isn’t even the big problem. There are other barriers ahead of this minor dilemma. Why does this person suddenly want to back-away?

One reason for ‘backing-away’ is a common personal issue. Many people struggle with a thing called insecurity. Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s that very same insecurity.

Over-thinking situations, and excessive worry, compounded with a phobia for taking chances eclipses their view, and hinders them from experiences that could, to a certain extent, be decisive; the very same decisiveness in which their life and thinking is based upon.

What other reasons could there be for ‘backing-away’? Very often, a person has someone else whom he or she is interested in, or a person from the past whom he or she is still interested in. Like myself, for example, I’ve had a thing for Renée Zellweger (yes, say whatever, I don’t care) since Jerry Maguire back in the 90’s.

And I have to say, it has been a hindrance to my progress in the ‘girl’ field because you think she's just not good enough, or "not Renée" as I like to say. But if I’m never able to get Renée, I might someday get someone close enough.

Attraction, they say, is not a choice. It is true indeed. I believe the true things that trigger attraction are the things we refuse to admit. Everyone has a picture of their ‘perfect soul mate.’

You know what I’m talking about: the tall dark-haired beauty with a soft voice, perfect smile, killing body shape, funny, shiny white teeth, and all that crap we think about.

The thing is we’re never going to meet that person. Did I just say never? Okay, maybe not never, but there’s a very remote chance of you meeting that person; not that such a person doesn’t exist.

How about the person who you ‘think’ you like? That person who makes you laugh, whom you really enjoy talking to, share common interests with, and knows how to make your day. Naturally, as humans, chances are we might not be ‘that’ attracted to such a person. It’s just the way we are: illogical.

However, what we do find attractive is the mysterious or even the impossible. But should that be the case? Personally, I believe that most people, if they take their chances, will eventually end up with someone who’s just good enough for them.

I like good enough.

Sometimes, we have experiences with the wrong people; but these experiences are good for us because we learn more about “that person” whom we haven’t met yet. According to John Mayer, we’re just learning what to contrast “that person” against, just as someone somewhere is doing the same to us.

This is an area where I’m straight-up caught; being over-careful, and as a result, possibly missing out on a few of these potential ‘Renées.’

Drifting away from the philosophical talk, guys and girls have different attitudes towards their other-sex relationships. Most guys are laid back, (apart from special cases, including when he has a crush and starts acting like a total jerk) and girls often read meaning into EVERY situation.

So while guys often miss it, girls think it. Girls worry about whether they appeared to be cool, or interesting, or about that thing he said (Wait, what could it have meant?) or the way he was looking at her.

Girls often jump into conclusions, even wild ones, as to how a guy (presumably) feels about them, based on what they SEE. The problem here is that most guys have a hard time SHOWING these things that girls tend to see.

So you wonder, where did at all come from? In the same vein, guys and girls alike often feel this way about themselves. In the form of the old “it’s done, I screwed it up” feeling.

Well, maybe you did, but your comeback is not moaning about how pathetic you were; it’s really about how you pathetically didn’t put yourself together.

In these types of situations, people need to stop caring about what they’re doing, and instead worry about what they’re NOT doing. As a good start, look in the mirror and ask yourself what needs to be done next.